It’s those tiny details that keep me up at night. It seems I’m always tired before my head hits the pillow, but as soon as I lay down I feel like I could run a marathon. My mind starts thinking about moments in my life, the good, the bad- mostly the bad. Somewhere in between the regret of not saying goodbye for the last time and the regret of dropping ketchup on the white carpet, I manage to fall asleep.

  In the sixteen years I’ve been alive,  I haven’t witnessed much. Some death, some pain and sadness, but never anything directly affecting me. I’ve had my fair share of great memories too.  Although, It seems when I’m laying in bed at night everything great that has happened in my life is nonexistent. Instead I lay there thinking about every time I said “you too” when I a fast food worker tells me to enjoy my food.

    I’m not the only one who dwells on my bad memories, or even just the awkward ones; many others do too. We can’t really blame ourselves. We can’t always control what’s on our mind, but we can figure out why it’s there.

    Personality plays a big role in how much someone relives their past. Someone with a more quiet, drawn-in personality might think about where they’ve slipped up more than someone who’s outgoing. Having anxiety in social situations may cause a more cautious approach to interactions with others as well. So when an interaction goes wrong, it’s more likely someone with anxiety will dwell on their mistake longer. The event itself also has an affect on  how long it deserves to be thought about. A bad experience where someone was physically hurt can be a reoccurring thought for many years, whereas a bad experience where someone might have been embarrassed will usually be remembered for a couple weeks or days.

   Another huge factor in why we spend so much time reliving our past is shame. Humans are goal-oriented, so when a goal is failed to be reached it’s only natural to think about that unmet goal. These feelings of shame can be caused by thinking we’re not good enough to achieve the goal.

    Bad experiences that happen in front of an audience are more likely to stick with us longer. No one enjoys being the judged or being the brunt of the joke. So naturally, when we mess up, we don’t want people to see the mistakes we’ve made. What’s frustrating about these situation is that there is no way to go through life avoiding them. Everyone makes a mistake that’s regrettable. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you do for a living, escaping the reality of being seen is impossible.

    No matter what, dwelling on the past may be inevitable, but it’s important to remember that what has happened is done and irreversible. Instead, figure out what you are stressing over and create methods to help yourself. That way you can sleep in peace, even if you couldn’t get that ketchup stain out of the carpet.